(Play music while you read!)
At times, do you have a problem with the way you are? I do, with one particular trait of mine. I am an introvert. I can go on talking to people I know and am close with but otherwise, I talk less. Not just that, I think a lot in my mind but I won’t speak out my thoughts.
This trait posed a great deal of problems for me after I moved to the US. I was meeting so many new people and I started going to school. And I knew no one. So, I had to open my mouth and make friends. But I wouldn’t. Or, couldn’t. I was too nervous. Often, I would try. But I would speak in such a meek voice that the person sitting beside me would not hear. And that would create more embarrassment for me.
I was otherwise confident. I have been asking questions in class and actively participate. I have been doing well in this totally new subject. This has given me oodles of confidence and boosted my self-esteem but still, its going to be a while when I start feeling like I belong here.
It took me a year to accept and get comfortable to a particular friend circle. A year of meeting them twice a month brought out the comfort level.
I know, I am no different than others. Just because they have been living here for so long does not mean they are better in any way. It’s just my anxious mind that muddled up my basic concepts.
Around a couple of months after I came here, I was picked up to participate in a webcast on Huffington Post. There were 5 other women in the webcast. It was a disaster. For one, I was at school, sitting in a corridor during break trying to interact on the webcam on my tablet. I could not hear a thing. I am not one to butt in a conversation. I could not participate even when they asked me to speak – because they could not hear me. I felt so ashamed.
I consoled myself saying I think better than I speak. I write better than I interact in a group. And perhaps, it is completely okay.
When I went to India this time, I surprised myself by chatting with people I barely knew and actively participating in groups. Of course, one year in US has brought about changes in me. I am more open than ever. But I was more free in India because I still consider India my home; I still find comfort there.
Aaaanyway, I enjoy window shopping and shopping here as I enjoy roaming around my college campus, going to the cafeteria and library. I have got used to certain malls, stores and of course my college and actually feel at home there.
So I guess things are improving.
Coming to the outfit post. I wore this on Sunday. I went to a car mela, a temple to attend a function and a social visit. I got this beautiful woollen vest from Janpath at the cost of peanuts. It is in lovely tweed – brown with pink dots. It goes with just about everything. it gives a 90’s look, maybe, but I think it is an evergreen, classic, smart Indo-western look. I accessories with a big metal pendant, wood-n-metal drop earrings, oxidized nose-ring, leopard print flats and a jhola bag.